Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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