there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
