Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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