I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
