Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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