I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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