At least make sure they are 18
Why
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
