I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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