dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
