I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
