Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize