So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
