dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
