I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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