Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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