i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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