His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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