Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
