Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
