I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize