anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
