If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
