But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize