I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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