I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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