I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
