I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
