I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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