Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
