dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
