So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
