I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My hand turned me down
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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