Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
