new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
COCAINE IS GR8
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
