Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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