My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
