My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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