1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
