oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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