so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
