Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
