Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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