I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
