My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
