u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
