"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
