One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
