he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
