Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
