i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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