This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
