Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize