It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
