Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
