I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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