woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
