I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
