i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
two words...techno handjob
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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