The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
