You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize