i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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