I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
