Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
