I wannas sexs uuuuu
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
