WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
