All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
