ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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