You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
