We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
