i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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