Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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