So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
