she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
