You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
