Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
