What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
