You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
