The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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